One thing I seem to have gleaned from the flurry of comments to Tuesday's post about Arisia is that I went to the wrong convention. In the words of one of the commenters:

Arisia started as a "reaction" to another more literary "Con" - Boskone. To make it short, Boskone was trying to focus more on literary works, and in short become more "serious". Arisia was started as a "fun" con. There was a very specific focus in the early days on - Costuming (in the halls and masquerade), Parties, and an openness to movies/anime/"whatever". (Please be aware that I am simplifying grotesquely here) But the basic idea behind Arisia fundamentally is that it's a less "serious" con, even though there's a strong contingent of interest in literature & Science/Science Fiction.

Looking at the schedule for last year's Boskone and the guest list for this year's, I see none of the "alternative lifestyle" material of Arisia and quite a lot more writers I enjoy and topics that look interesting to me personally. Had I done any research whatever, I might have discovered this and saved myself a lot of bother. I won't be going to Boskone next month, for a number of reasons not the least of which is I'm a little conventioned-out after Arisia, though I may go next year while I don't think I'll be attending another Arisia. (I do wonder if I'll find myself something of a pariah at conventions from now on because of my posts. I suppose I'll have to go and find out.)

I also realize that I cited people in my piece who weren't aware that I was going to quote or paraphrase them in a blog post. I apologize if anyone was put out by this, and in the future I'll tell people what I'm doing. (I have a hard time thinking of myself as "press", but I suppose technically I am, and it was suggested I should get a press ribbon at future cons so people know what I'm doing.)

Then of course, there's my compatriot here at Wet Asphalt, JF Quackenbush, who pissed a lot of people off with insults and name-calling. Long time readers know I've publicly questioned his vitriol level in the past and did so again here at length, mostly because I desperately wanted a thoughtful discussion and not a shouting match. When J finally reigned himself in, he became much more interesting and persuasive, and reminded me of why I liked listening to him in the first place. So to him, I say this:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Special Comment - Keith Olbermann's Name-Calling
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political Humor Health Care Crisis

Back to the point. There's a lot of stuff that made me uncomfortable at Arisia. I've already expressed my misgivings over what I call geek materialism, but I'd be lying if I said all the poly/bsdm stuff didn't wigg me out too. One commenter on the previous post wrote something that really made why much clearer to me:

As I said, I'm in a monogamous, faithful marriage. However, if my wife expressed interest in seeing another person, I would not feel jealous, and if it made her happy, I would support that. It doesn't bother me at all. Why is that? Because I have absolute trust in her, and absolute knowledge that we love each other deeply. There is no need for jealousy when one is secure in their relationships.

Wait, really? Your wife screwing some other dude wouldn't "bother you at all"? I'm sorry, that's fucking weird. I don't know how else to put it. I'm not a conservative guy, in fact I'm pretty much a socialist. But that's just fucking weird. I mean, hey, far be it from me to tell you how to feel about your wife's sex life. I'm not here to debate that with you, and I'm sure you'll go on about constrictive social norms and how our society produces infidelity and divorce and on and on. Whatever. I just kind of feel like I went to a stamp collector's conference and found out it was full of panels on eating other people's boogers. "They're an excellent source of protein and a wonderful form of intimacy and there a long history of philately and booger-eating," say the panelists slurping down each other's boogers. Ew, say I, that's weird and kind of repulsive and goddamn I just wanted to hear about stamps.

Again, this is not intolerance. I tolerate a whole lot.

So what's the takeaway with all this? Arisia is not the convention for me, that much is clear. There's also a lot more going on in fandom than I quite understood, and I think it'll take a lot more conversations for me to tangle it all out in my head. And I thank everyone who's willing to engage with me earnestly on the subject.